My eyes were wide and bright like a young school boy walking into a Disney World's front gates for the very first time, expectations soaring. As the doors opened to the newly remodeled building 3 cafeteria life did not seem like it could get much better, but my naive mind was blind to the horrors that awaited me. Entering the cafeteria I was blasted by a fridgid front of sub 68 degree air, "chilly" I thought to myself. Chilly is exactly the reception I recieved in every sense of the word.
As I entered my familiar stomping grounds I noticed that it was no longer familar at all, I became dizzy and disoriented at the the magnitude of change that confronted me. Yellow and Orange surrounded me, the workers clad in strange looking smocks. I decided to walk around slowly, so as not to lose my orientation, and examine all of the amazing new food options that I had been expecting. At first I was pleastly surprised to see that a new Panini station had been installed, alas, there was no Roast Beef and Cheddar (with horseradish cream sauce, and topped with thinly slized onions and mushrooms of course). I was deeply disappointed as this is clearly the best Panini available, almost negating the purpose of installing a Panini station all together.
Onword I moved to the new Deli, my heart sank as I saw that the temporary $5 subs had run their course and are no more. All subs are now the standard $7 rip-off price, it is likely only a matter of time now until Building 11 follows suit, I dread the coming of this day. Outside of the price changes I didn't see anything different and therefore I decided to move on.
The Grill was the only station that looked the same, a small nook in the side of the wall that once you passed your order through it would enter a time vortex where apparently burgers cooked 4x slower and it took fries the same amount of extra time to ... er.. fry. The Grill is like the bermuda triangle of the cafeteria, whatever input it accepts, it twists and mangles it and spits it back out (a long time later) and such a way that you could not even fathom. Having gained no confidence in the Grill, I once again resumed my journey.
Ah, here it was, the Action Station as they call it. I was feeling an "Action" sort of mood so surely this would be the station for me. Gah! It was selling Noodle Soup! Just like I had read in disbelief on the online menu, what kind of action is Noodle Soup related to? But no, I was mistaken, my associate pointed out that I had misread it and in reality I was looking at the "Noodle Shop". It looked promising, you pick a selection of vegetables, broth, noodles, and meat and it is all sauted up in a wok for you. So I got in line, about 5 minutes from where I was until I got my food. As I got closer and closer my hopes were crushed further and further. Each customer was being served vegtables in portions that would not satisfy the most depraved of rabbits.
"Sir, what vegetables would you like?"
"All of them please, but no Tofu" (Is Tofu a vegetable?? they seemed to think so)
Next, the small circus figure (or orange and yellow dressed worker) began to meticulously place vegatables into my dish. A table spoon of lettuce, 3 green pepper slices (~1-2 inches long and a quarter inch thick), 2 red pepper slices, 3 mushrooms (quarter sized), 5 1 inch long scotch-tape shaped bamboo shoot slices, about a dozen 1 inch long shreds of carrots, and then 8-10 quarter inch sections of green onion. I watched in quiet amusement as the "meal" was being prepared, I didn't realize we were restricted to severe war-time rationing. Next I chose between fish and coconut broth, this was an easy choice "Coconut please". Well the broth was really almost as thin as water, it is supposed to be creamy and succulent, but in this case it was like water with orange food coloring in it. I recieved 4 bountiful ladle's full of broth, completly submerging my vegetables in the Wok. Next I got my rice noodles and chicken (the only two adequate parts of the meal).
After a brief warming on the hot plate, my slurry was dumped into a styrofoam box that I could take back with me, it was so light that the slightest breeze caused it to nearly fly right out of my hand. I decided I had better suppliment my main course with a salad, so that I could get more than 80 calories. The ingredients for the salad were all fresh looking and actually quite acceptable, what was not acceptable was the horrible layout of the salad bar. Apparently it was designed for people about 4.5 feet tall with arms that can reach 6 feet in front of them. At almost 6'4", I had to bend all the way over and stand on 1 foot to reach to the back row of the ingredients (I needed the shredded cheddar) and I almost lost my balance and had a terrible accident.
I had noticed that instead of going through this ridiculous charade, people were just going inside the V-shaped salad bar (where the employees are only supposed to go to restock the ingredients) to get the impossible to reach items. Of course there is no sneeze guard or tray rest so it was equally hazardous in there, I might write up a RATS for this. My salad, in half the size box of my coconut noodle meddly, weighed twice as much. I decided to go check out as I could not explore the cafeteria any further on this visit, and surprise surprise (no surprise at all) my meal was well over $9.
Dejected, I stormed towards the door with coconut juice sloshing out of the box all over the floor, walls, doors and other patrons. Thats all I can bear to recall of this horrific memory... next time I hope to report a better experience.
